When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
