Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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