Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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