at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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