I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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