no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
