Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
