Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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