she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize