6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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