Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
