oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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