We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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