So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
