yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
