If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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