This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
