She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
