girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
