I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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