Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
