Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
