Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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