i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
