i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
