Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
