Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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