i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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