I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
