This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
