hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
