Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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