so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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