The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's like a pop up book from hell.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
