Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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