im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
