I just threw up on my dentist
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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