O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
