careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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