I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
