I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
