Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
