I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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