White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
