So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
