As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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