I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
