I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
