i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
