i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The best revenge is premature balding
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
