barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
