that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
