I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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