i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
