oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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