Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
