dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
