Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
