My nipple is on Facebook.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
