if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
