if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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