ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
