the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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