just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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