You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
