For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize