Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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