So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
