Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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