i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
