I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
