It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its not stalking. its research.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
