she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
