Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
