so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
