My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
